Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Phone call: Mrs. Sancho Panza. "Hey, Sancho needs to go to his independent medical examination today. Do you know where the doctor's office is?"

I sent them a letter with the date and time of the appointment. Not to mention the address of the doctor's office. "Um, did you not get the letter we sent? I apologize. It should have been in the letter we sent you last week to remind him."

"Oh, no we got the letter. But I don't know where the office is. Do you know where it is?"

Oh, so suddenly I'm Google Maps. I get it, not only does Sancho think Mrs. Sancho is his personal assistant, but, he is also under the impression that I go to work every day just waiting for him to call so I do little chores for him. I don't know where they live, so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to give directions from their house to another place I've never been to, but, I don't see that I have any choice but to try. Thankful that she can't see me, I roll my eyes and resolve to start sending maps along with all similar reminder letters. I pull up Google Maps on our Apple II (not really, but work-computer is slow as shit) and punch in the office address.

That's when line 2 starts ringing. "Uh, Mrs. Sancho? Can you please hold?" But, she's screaming at one of the eight million grandchildren, and I can't get her attention. So, I switch over.

"Rick's Cafe Legalese, this is Lola, can you please hold?"

"Hi, Lola, it's Rick."

"Hi Rick, I have a client on the other line, can you please hold?"

"Oh, sure, I was just calling to tell you..." and he proceeds to tell me what he called to tell me, ignoring my interjections that I need to get back to the other line. Like Mama Lo, every time I ask her to hold on, she tells me what she's planning on telling me anyway. It pretty much just means that he's going to tell me his plans for the day annd a few things that happened yesterday. I finally switch back over. And, despite my efforts to get Mrs. Sancho's attention, all I can hear is their t.v. and a maurading grandchild. The line goes dead.

Phone: 2, Lola: 0. I have to call her back and give her the directions.

Phone call: Rick. "Please call Camille and have her come in, they've offered a settlement.

Camille is a bit of a running joke. Every time we call her, she sounds like she's about to die. Unless there's been a settlement offer, then she perks right back up. But if she needs to sign something or drop it off, we get an Oscar-worthy performance of coughing, moaning, and "Oh, I just feel terrible. Smirking, I pick up the phone.

Camille: (perky) Hi! This is Camille!
Lola: Hi Camille, it's Lola, from Rick's Cafe...
Camille: (coughing and barely audible) Ohhhhhhhh, hellloooo
Lola: We just needed you to come in. They've sent in a final settlement offer, can you come in and sign off on it?
Camille: (suddenly perky again) Oh, sure! I'll be right in!!!

Phone call: (breather call) (Repeat) (Lots of times)
Lola: Why do I get breather calls at the office?

Phone call: Rick answers. "Rick's Cafe, this is Rick."
Caller: "Hello, this is Mr. Smithers. Please hold for Sancho Panza, I have him on the line."
Rick: (is stunned).

Rick (to Lola): It's like I just got a call from the White House. Except it wasn't the President. It was Sancho. He's actually having people make his phone calls for him before he'll come to the phone.

Lola: Don't expect me to start doing that.

I think the Phone wins this round.