Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Stockholm Syndrome

Sucking down Spring-themed cocktails on Friday night: Thanks to Kati, purveyor of all the best gossip, discussion turns to Professor Goodtime, who apparently had a fondness for students who were up for extra credit. Also for leaves of absence when Professor Spouse Goodtime found out. This leads to the inevitable round of "Would you Rather?: Sex with a Professor Edition." Much as I can see Goodtime getting le freak on and pickin' up a few tips on a Freedom Ride, I just don't understand how more than one student ended up on that particular Freedom Ride. (In my mind, Goodtime was of the activist/hippie/radical sort; plus, I liked playing with "Freedom Ride")

Overheard in the law review office:

"Spem, within 4 words of donor. Let's just try donor."

Also, LiLo allegedly scaled a wall to get into a party for a JCPenney clothing line launch. My, my, how are the mighty fallen.

Today, I thought Rick was going to choke a bitch. Neck Crack, while trying to figure out how to get out of child support so he can get monies for himself, informs Rick that he's been talking to another lawyer and his case is worth a half a bajillion dollars. I hunker down over my notepad and gleefully await the 'splosion that will surely take place.

And I wait.

Nothing. Dead Calm. WTF?

"I don't find fault with you, Neck Crack" he says.

Well, I do.

Time for school! Grateful for the excuse, I slip out the door and try to eat something before my meeting.

Today's meeting is fully of animations. I like it, it's like cartoons. Also, I have a bagel. Talk turns to a person new members can turn to if they don't want to ask their scary M.E questions. Charlie leans forward and stares at me. I smile and shrug. So, I'm a scary M.E., like anyone would have questioned that.

Today we continue our discussion of hate speech. Now, given that I frequently voice my desire to eviscerate some people, it may surprise you to find that I actually don't like hate speech. I personally think that people should find better things to do with their time than find ways to hate people in a large group, when there are perfectly legitimate reasons to hate individuals on their own merits. But, in any case, you should avoid showing this hatred by sneaking into someone's yard and lighting shit on fire. Presumably, not even the ACLU would back you on that.

(Sidenote: Bundle of contradictions that I am, though, I feel that if the KKK wants to put on their bedsheets, crack open some PBR, go out to a field and light a cross on fire, they're well within their rights to do so. Besides, there's always the chance the sheets might catch fire.) Let's face it, bigots who set their costumes afire=funny!

The hate speech discussion is actually drawing my interest more than usual, so I spend less than my alotted time on the facebook. But if Tender Tweeze and her alleged fiance, Stockholm, post any more pictures of them half-naked or making "sexy" faces (mostly, they just look constipated) or trying to touch their tongues together; I will personally nail them together and set them afire in a field. Also, the new Facebook format makes these pictures almost impossible to avoid. For some reason, they always crop up (SURPRISE!) in the ironically named "Highlights" column. And dammned if the most offensive pictures aren't the album cover. They are either trying to convince everyone that they really mean it, or they enjoy knowing that everyone screams "AH! DO NOT WANT!!!" when signing into facebook.

Karen somehow confuses Stockholm for Priest and wonders how I can be so calm about Tender Tweeze posting tongue touching pictures. We're off on a tangent now, so I go for it and try to see if I can make her yelp during class.
Message: To: Karen, From: Lola: is how Goodtime got students into bed.

Mission Accomplished.