Sunday, August 23, 2009

Law and Disorder, Season 3, episode 1: Attack of the 2Ls

Nikki always says I need a reality show. And she already has the name picked out: Law and Disorder. Given my talent for getting into stupid situations and making poor decisions, I think that it might be as compelling as say, Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. And there would be no STDs.

Finn is out of town this weekend, which means that I had to come up with lots of trouble to get into so I could regale him when he gets back tonight. With our kitty! (I'm getting a black cat. I'm well aware of the comic value. I'm sure there's a joke there, but I'm too lazy to make it).

Last weekend of "freedom" before school starts, and last year begins. The theme of the weekend is that the 2Ls are insane and I might be turning into some sort of sociopath. Thursday was bar night, which was an amazing success, before some self-righteous 2L got his panties in a twist about the fact that I have not, in fact, put on a hair shirt and thrown myself on a funeral pyre in mourning for the artist-formerly-known-as-Priest. Um? Excuse me? He's not dead, he dumped me. Apparently, me dancing at a bar is a problem. I guess we're in the little town from Footloose now? Luckily, I didn't hear the original tirade, because I was in a towering fury as it was and might have planted my five-inch-heel up his tight little ass. As it was, I found myself revealing some vaguely sociopathic tendencies.

I was the D.D. and so, I only had 2 and a half drinks, and an asthma attack later that night. Fun! I blame the meddlesome 2L. Ironically, I also had a raging hangover. I felt the way I did after Nikki's wedding, and I barely had anything to drink. Unfair. Finn awoke to me holding onto the toilet for dear life at 7:30 in the morning. I then had to go to orientation for the new staff members, terrified that I would have to vom again and none of them would respect me after that. I did not vom. Win!

After Day 2 of orientation, we had a social event and the 2Ls struck again. Everything was lovely at the actual social event, and then a group of us went across the street to another bar. The 2Ls did not join us. This made us sad, that the 2Ls are all sedate and married and don't want to hang out with us. This changed when a group of them came in. Mostly, they were cool, and one of them decided to be interesting and drunk enough for all of them. He greets Dan, our SENIOR NOTES EDITOR, and thus, this kid's BOSS who's in charge of minor things, like, the paper the kid has to write for Law Review credit, by shouting "You crazy motherfucker!" Which I thought was bold for someone he had only known for a day. And then he decides to switch up his term of endearment to "you son of a bitch!" Luckily for him, Dan thinks this is mildly amusing, though stupid. But this kid didn't know that. What if Dan had no sense of humor?

I guess we're partially to blame for what happened next. Dan and I decide the kid should be messed with. Kid asks me to dance. And we all get up to dance, everything is fine. I give him some shit about the dangers of drinking and swearing at E-board members. Kid gets...decidedly friendly. I was on some sort of kinder, gentler Lola kick and decide that starting drama by full-on bitch-slapping a staff member would not be a good start to the year and Megan would be made at me. Besides, he was drinking. I decide to take the calm way around this. "Um, you're being very forward for a 2L." The hint is not taken. "Yes, I am. I go after what I want." I try again. "So, you know I'm not going to give you breaks on your assignments or anything right?" No joy. "That's not what I'm after. You're what I'm after." Or something to that effect. If not for the fact that this kid is now backing me against the bar rail, I would almost admire his nerve. He's just met me and...he has to report to me on his cite-checking assignment and he's trying to get his groove thing on. He breaks out some cheesy-line about......oh, who the fuck knows and I announce that I want my beer so I break away and he yells after me to promise to come back. Which is when I run into Dan, who informs me that when the Kid started to back into the wall, he almost came over to intervene before things got "out of hand." Chivalrous. Instead, he thought, "Nah. It's Lola, she can handle herself." And, apparently, he thought it might be kinda funny to see what I would do to the Kid. Thanks, pal. I give him the details of my conversation with the Kid, at which point, Dan starts laughing like a hyena. And, then, he and Aaron get randomly pissed about the way this Kid disrespected my authority and was such a skeeze and blatantly came on to an editor on his first day on staff. Though, it must be admitted that Dan occassionally laughed like a hyena. The word "inappropriate" was tossed about drunkenly, which, in hindsight is kinda funny.

I shook the Kid and left the bar (I took a cab, thanks Elisa for the tip-off! Even though there was no way I could have driven, cops or no cops) and did the second vaguely sociopathic thing I'd done in as many days. Except for this vaguely sociopathic thing was nearly as bad as the first and again, not my idea. It's not that what I've been doing is necessarily so bad, it's just the absolute lack of remorse I have about any of the moral implications of my actions that's a little weird. I also have stopped caring about consequences. I'm not exactly sure what's behind it, because I do normally have a limit, but I think that my general apathy about my personal life could go a long way towards explaining it.

The moral of the story: be careful what you wish for, because 2Ls might just show up to give it to you.